Let It Go, Not Smell!

Uggghhh . . .
       The stench invaded my nostrils with the violence of an enemy ambush, mercilessly forcing its way in with no chance for negotiation.

The stench? My kitchen. Well more like my 5'x5' square in which a sink, two-burner gas range, and cupboards not made for short people reside. Ironic, being I live in Korea . . .

I am a person who thoroughly enjoys a clean house - messiness and dirtiness sometimes give me nightmares. Well, not quite that extreme, but it does make it difficult for me to concentrate on any other task at hand. However, this week, my motivation to keep my sink empty and my floor clothing free was on holiday. Working all day, coming home to do more work at home, cooking food, and then remembering I will be getting up the next day to do it all over again - well this week it made me tired. And lazy. And Netflix-binge prone.

It started after I got back from an amazing but tiring Sunday in Busan, meeting with some dear friends. The beach, the sun, the amazing Indian food, the stellar company - each piece of the day was worth the train ride and the fact that, when I arrived home at 8:30 that night, I still had a lot of work to do before Monday morning barged in, most unwelcome. Monday, Busan's sun and my lack of hydration caught up to me in the form of a splitting headache that relentlessly pounded on my brain and made me crave the embrace of my bed. Dishes from that day and the previous sat in my sink. That's not so bad though, right? A couple days' worth of dishes for one person sitting in the sink?

This trend continued, however. By Wednesday, I walked in my door, and was not so kindly greeted by a smell that made my nose cringe with disgust. How rude! I realized that the frying pan I had used on Monday, filled with water, and set on the stove top with all good intentions of washing it was the biggest culprit of the wretched aroma hanging in my box of kitchen. Lack of circulation and unforgiving heat, I believe, also encouraged the growth of this scent. At this point, it wasn't even lack of motivation that kept me from washing the dishes. I was intimidated by the possible new creatures that may have been formed in the murky waters of the pan. I did NOT want to get involved in whatever was happening in my kitchen. But still, every time I was in this room by necessity, I knew what needed to be done. I knew that I should do it soon, that I shouldn't keep putting off what was necessary to once again make my apartment fresh and livable. And even though I have only a few people in Daegu who would do so, the thought of someone showing up at my place randomly also horrified me. The turmoil that was happening inside my house was easy to hide, as long as no one came inside. But that didn't mean that it wasn't still there, every day, just waiting for me to walk in the door to rub its reality in my face.

Finally, I knew that the day to clean this mess up and out of my life had come when I started putting out a candle in the kitchen to hide the smell which STILL couldn't fully mask it. So, I washed all the other dishes, feeling a little better as each one found its spot in the dish rack. And then . . . the pan. The bane of my existence at the moment. I rolled up my sleeves (only figuratively because it was too hot to be wearing any other shirt but a tanktop) and poured the stench-laden water down the drain. I scrubbed with enough soap to do a couple sink fulls of dishes. At last, the relief I had been wanting came. The pan was washed. The smell would soon dissipate and eventually no longer be present.

My smelly pan experience made me think. Life has problems. Life has ups and downs, positives and negatives, the good, the bad, and the . . . smelly. Life has people who do not-so-nice things to you. Sometimes, when those people treat you unfairly or break your trust or are just downright rude and uncouth, the experience sits with us. Forgiveness is the last thing on our minds. It doesn't seem to make much of a difference at first, holding on to whatever was done to wrong you. Soon, though, the stench begins to fill you, overwhelm you. Only you know the turmoil inside. Only you are hit with its reality every time you think about what happened and every time you think about forgiving, but decide again that you can't let go yet. You can try to cover it up by busying yourself with work, school, friends, church - but it will still always inch its way into your mind, seeping over the sweet aroma of distraction.

Forgiving can be difficult. Letting go of whatever you are keeping locked up inside can seem intimidating and impossible. But once you put that dish under the water and scrub it like there's no tomorrow, once you give over your problem to the One who can clean up any mess, relief will flood you. The lingering situation and feelings will begin to dissipate, and eventually disappear. You may not forget what happened and maybe even use it to learn how to better deal with such a situation in the future (i.e., don't get lazy and let your pan become a pool for your food), but you will be rid of it constantly hanging over you, never fully leaving your mind. Relief and peace will visit you, as they did me once I had finally cleaned my pan. We can't always forget, and maybe in some cases we shouldn't forget, but forgiveness is always a necessity, not a suggestion, if you desire a life free of unnecessary and useless anger or disappointment or jealousy. If you have a pan to clean, I encourage you to just do it. Don't put it off another day.